| Once again, an animal in my life is making me | | | | Well, if a coaching client came to me with this |
| think outside of the box. Thanks Duke. | | | | dilemma I wouldn't spend time berating the lapse, |
| I've written about Duke before. He is a most | | | | what good would that do? Instead I think it's |
| handsome, good-natured boxer. A big dog who is | | | | important to acknowledge that a change has |
| living with us temporarily. Originally Duke was | | | | taken place, recognize the reason for that change |
| adopted by our son Jeff in LA. Jeff grew up with | | | | if at all possible and find a way to get back on |
| boxers and really wanted one of these loving | | | | course. So I decided to listen to my own coaching. |
| dogs to live with him. Long story short, he | | | | I immediately began to institute the simple bonding |
| adopted Duke and quickly bonded. However, Duke | | | | techniques taught in Ms. Fennell's book. Very easy |
| was far too stressed to be able to stay in LA. | | | | methods brought immediate change. Within less |
| This urban environment that Jeff loved and | | | | than a day, I saw both dogs calm. They are being |
| thrived in was overwhelming and even unhealthy | | | | asked quietly to sit and wait to be released |
| for Duke. So, Jeff made arrangements for Duke | | | | before they go in or out of the door. Easy, they |
| to go live with his elder brother Bill and his wife | | | | both know the rule, I'm simply asking them to |
| Felicia in Texas. This was in June and | | | | cooperate and they are. I eat a small morsel |
| circumstances would not allow Bill and Felicia to | | | | which comes from the counter next to their feed |
| have Duke live with them until mid-September. | | | | dishes before they are fed, without talking or |
| Jeff knew that Duke was suffering in LA so he | | | | looking at either of the dogs. They are asked to |
| drove the devoted dog to Milwaukee to stay with | | | | sit before I put their bowls down. Again, they wait |
| us in the interim. | | | | for a very brief time before I release them to |
| Indy, our boxer welcomed Duke immediately and | | | | eat. When the somewhat inevitable barking starts, |
| the two began to this life coach of very | | | | I go into the room where the boys are, thank |
| important lessons. Duke was incredibly stressed | | | | them quietly for the announcement and then |
| when he arrived, so while he was trying to adjust | | | | simply stand between them and whatever they |
| to yet another move and a new family I offered | | | | are barking at. Within a few seconds they quiet |
| him Reiki on a regular basis. It didn't take long for | | | | and we then walk into another room together. |
| Duke to bond to me. Unfortunately, it was a | | | | They are learning that their roles are shifting. |
| nervous bond. Separation anxiety was clearly still | | | | They are not responsible for the feeding, |
| a huge issue for this boy. | | | | protecting or leading of this family. That |
| One evening while speaking on the phone to Jeff | | | | responsibility belongs to the humans in this family. |
| we were discuss Duke again, of course. I was | | | | As a result, Duke is noticeably calmer. I know he's |
| concerned because it's clear that Duke's anxiety | | | | not 'fixed', there is much to do in the future and it |
| levels rise and fall despite the calm environment | | | | will be very important for him to be with a family |
| that we endeavor to provide. I know that the | | | | that is dedicated to maintaining their roles. A |
| Reiki is helping him, but I still was concerned about | | | | family that has time to spend with Duke playing, |
| incidents here and there. During our chat, Jeff | | | | training and exercising. He will likely always be |
| once again brought up the behaviorist that he had | | | | susceptible to separation anxiety so it is important |
| consulted in LA. It turns out that this behaviorist | | | | that he be with people who are dedicated to |
| felt that Duke was suffering from confusion | | | | making his life as stress-free as possible. A regular |
| about his role in the family. He thought he was | | | | routine, someone home quite a lot, etc. |
| the 'alpha' dog and was trying desperately to fill | | | | How does this translate to people? I bet you |
| that role even though it was very clear that he | | | | thought I would never get to this point, didn't |
| didn't want that role at all. | | | | you? Well, it's very simple really. It's my belief |
| Suddenly so much began to make sense. Begin | | | | that we sometimes ask ourselves to fill a role |
| the alpha dog has an awful lot of responsibility in | | | | that simply does not feel right for us. When we |
| the pack. Remember to Duke, Indy, John and I | | | | do this it's a bit like trying to fit that square peg |
| were his pack as we are the family he is living | | | | into the round hole, you might be able to force it |
| with. If this theory is correct, Duke feels that he | | | | eventually, but it's not a good fit overall. In the |
| needs to provide food for us, it is his responsibility | | | | family, we need to know what our responsibilities |
| to protect us and to lead wherever we go. His | | | | are; this helps the relationship with the other |
| role in life is to be the leader. Holy cats! No | | | | family members to be more pleasant and |
| wonder the poor boy is stressed! | | | | rewarding. When children know what parents |
| Now, I've lived with boxers for most of my adult | | | | expect of them and the parents are consistent, |
| life. They are a powerful, energetic, intelligent | | | | pleasant and firm, children are more likely to |
| breed and they absolutely delight in being active | | | | understand their role, what is expected and |
| members of the family. As I'm not a terribly large | | | | precisely what sort of response they will receive |
| woman, I've always known that I needed to | | | | from their parents. The roles are clear and it |
| work with these wonderful animals to gain their | | | | makes it easier for everyone to understand their |
| cooperation and trust as we all live together. | | | | role. |
| Brute force sure wasn't going to work and when | | | | In the workplace, we need to know who is in |
| we had small children it was simply not a physical | | | | charge, what our job responsibilities are and just |
| possibility anyway. Because of this, I've always | | | | what is expected of us. When we fulfill that role |
| worked with my dogs to understand our | | | | satisfactorily, we are rewarded. The satisfaction |
| relationship to one another, establishing a | | | | of a job well done, respect and appreciation of |
| comfortable hierarchy and working to maintain it. I | | | | our professional superiors and peers, and of |
| won't pretend that I never made mistakes, I've | | | | course a paycheck. |
| made plenty and I've tried hard to learn from | | | | Now this is of course an incredible simplification. |
| them. Here was an opportunity to learn a bit | | | | Animals and people are much more complicated |
| more. | | | | than this short article could ever describe. Still, we |
| It's our guess that Duke is somewhere between | | | | have to start somewhere. I like to start at the |
| 2 and 3 years old. I can't undo his history but I | | | | beginning, it's easier for me. This means a few |
| can hope to provide a better future for him. So, I | | | | basics. Self-care; I will continue to take care of |
| got hold of the Jan Fennell book 'The Dog | | | | myself well so that I am more likely to be in the |
| Listener' and began reading it again. I appreciate | | | | frame of mind to be fair and friendly to the |
| and value her methods. She is always gentle but | | | | humans and animals in my life. This includes Reiki, |
| firm with dogs. She writes of simple methods | | | | exercise, etc. I think of the simple methods that I |
| which communicate in dog language. Letting the | | | | am using with the dogs as life coaching for them |
| animals know what is expected and offering | | | | and myself. It helps me to remember that it's |
| praise when those expectations are met. Hey! Ms. | | | | important that we all remain positive, calm and |
| Fennell is a life coach for dogs! I had used this | | | | appreciative for positive results. |
| book to teach me methods several years ago | | | | This week I encourage you to think about the |
| and remember with well that Indy was for quite | | | | role that you have taken on, is it a good fit? If |
| some time the most well behaved dog I had ever | | | | not, what can you shift in your life so that you |
| known. With chagrin, I realized that I had let many | | | | are more comfortable? When we are |
| of these simple patterns change, with the result | | | | comfortable, we tend to be much happier. When |
| that Indy felt his role in the family or pack change. | | | | we are happier, we bring about better results, |
| He has become more barky and his cooperation | | | | which makes us more comfortable. And so we |
| with house guests is not as reliable as it had been | | | | move forward, learning, enjoying and evolving a |
| in the past. Uh oh. And I was responsible. | | | | bit everyday. |