| In our article "Keep Your Relationship Loving by | | | | procrastinating. Maybe her procrastination had |
| Speaking Up Sooner - 3 Tips," we recommended | | | | caused her some dis-ease, resulting in her |
| speaking up as soon as an issue arises to prevent | | | | becoming ill. |
| arguments in your relationship. We recently found | | | | There was only one way to find out. Diane asked |
| an added benefit to speaking up sooner. | | | | Lewis if he had time for a spontaneous discussion. |
| We are on a quest to share information and help | | | | Lewis said he did. |
| other couples communicate about any issue as | | | | Diane spoke and Lewis just listened to her. Diane |
| soon as possible. We recognize that withholding | | | | could feel her body releasing tension as she |
| issues is one of the biggest mistakes one can | | | | finished her first issue. Diane literally leaned |
| make in a marriage. We certainly experienced that | | | | forward and let out a big "Ahhhhh." Then Diane |
| in our previous marriages--bottling up feelings and | | | | went on to her second issue and out came |
| not knowing how to communicate properly. | | | | another big "Ahhhhh." After Diane shared her two |
| But as committed as we are in our own marriage | | | | heretofore unspoken issues, Lewis responded and |
| to not holding onto issues, occasionally we let one | | | | Diane took her turn listening. |
| or two sit there inside of us. Our two best | | | | After taking the opportunity to speak out her |
| "excuses" are (1) I do not have the time now, | | | | issues and feeling listened to by Lewis, Diane's |
| and (2) if I hold off, maybe the issue will go away. | | | | mind and body felt relief. Shortly thereafter, the |
| Recently, Diane was in bed for two days with a | | | | final physical symptoms of Diane's illness cleared |
| nasty head cold and sore throat. She did the usual | | | | up. A study involving 75 married couples found |
| doctor-recommended routine: rested, ate lightly | | | | that "there was a significant relationship between |
| and drank extra liquids. She began to feel better, | | | | daily stress and the occurrence of... health |
| and as her thinking cleared up, she wondered | | | | problems such as flu, sore throat, headaches, and |
| "Why did I get sick?" Was it the cold temperature | | | | backaches." Diane's not speaking her truth was a |
| in the hotel conference room she recently sat in? | | | | form of stress. |
| Did she eat too much ice cream? | | | | In addition to speaking up sooner in your |
| In thinking about why Diane got sick, we talked | | | | relationship for the health of your relationship, you |
| about the word "disease" meaning "lack of ease." | | | | can speak up sooner for your own health and |
| Then we flipped through the book Esoteric Healing | | | | well-being. |
| by Alan Hopkins. In this book, the word disease is | | | | 1. "The Impact of Daily Stress on Health and |
| defined as "the result of an inhibited flow of soul | | | | Mood: Psychological and Social Resources as |
| energy to the body." | | | | Mediators" by Anita DeLongis, Susan Folkman and |
| At that moment, Diane realized that she did have | | | | Richard S. Lazarus, published in Journal of |
| some things on her mind that she wanted to | | | | Personality and Social Psychology 1988. Vol. 54. |
| discuss with Lewis and that she had been | | | | No. 3.486-495. |